Grief Springs Anew: Stage 1 DENIAL

Shaking My Fist At The Heavens

I search endlessly
Where there is hope, there I stand
Where there is love, there I go
Where there is peace, there I wait
For a sign
That you’ll be there
I’ve waited endlessly
Shaken my fist at the Heavens
For hope
That you’ll live once again

Where the oaken cupboard sits
There I have placed your drinking glass
On its burnished top sits your water goblet
Your prints still on them
The imprint of your thumb
Your rosebud lip marks
And I wait
For a sign
For hope
That you’ll come back some day
And I can show you my love
And with God I will have my Peace



No more Chores

I cannot spring clean our home
I cannot empty the cupboards
I cannot pack away the old clothes
I cannot keep away your books
I cannot wash the glasses
I cannot rinse the spoons
In hope that they will be used again

I tried to clear away the old bottles
Tried to throw your old medicines out
I tried to wash all the clothes
I tried to get rid of all the old make-up
Tried to give away all the shoes
Tried to get rid of simply everything
It’s been four years and yet
I still haven’t finished spring-cleaning

But I can’t,
If I think of doing it, of cleaning up
My brain shuts down
Why?
I don’t know
I don’t think it’s because I’m lazy or procrastinating
I think it’s all your fault

Why don’t you come back?
Use all of your things
Clean up all your own stuff
Make-up, clothes, combs, hairbrushes
Creams, lotions and potions
Books, pencils, diaries
Everything

Please can you stop being dead?



In Memoriam

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer…”

Beloved wife and mother
Darling daughter and sister
Cherished aunt and friend

You will always remain in our hearts


Anne Varghese (c) 2004