Freefalling Bliss (A Poem for Addie)

Just because we were lovers
Did not give you the right
To dictate to me
My hours
My days
My freedom
And my social circle

Just because we were lovers
Did not give you the right
To know
All my secrets
All my friends
All my pain
And all my joy

Just because we were lovers
Did not give you the right
To tell me
How to think
Where to go
Whom to speak to
And what to feel

Just because we were lovers
You screwed me up totally
I hated men
I hated women
I hated everything
I hated love
I hated hoping

Just because we were lovers
Did not give you the right
to tell me
How to treat my family
How to choose my friends
And what confidences to keep
You did not own me

And now that I am free
I plan to do all the things
You never allowed me to do
On pain of death
Dismemberment
Bruises
and broken bones

I plan to fly to the moon
And bungee jump off
I plan to have many pet cats
For you hated them with a vengeance
I plan to have many pet dogs
For you were scared of them
You f*cking cowardly wuss

Now that I have lost you
What should I do first?
I want to sing
I want to dance
I want to cry, scream and shout
I want to make friends
With all the people you hated

I want to hang-glide
a million times
off the nearest cliff
Freefall out of an airplane
Parasail over the deepest seas
With the sheer orgasmic pleasure
of my freedom

From you


Anne Varghese (2003)