Ramblings at 4.40am

Here's the thing, being on leave from office is usually nice and relaxing, except when one is not feeling too good. Back pain can be debilitating, aggravating, and mindnumbingly tedious, when all one can have on one's social itinerary, is to lie back and stare at the wall.

I injured my back kickboxing and aggravated it when I went on mission for my office early last month. I had to take a week off a fortnight ago as I could not stand, sit, walk, wear my clothes or go to the loo. Going to the loo took like half an hour, and wearing my undies and trousers took like 45 minutes! The sheer icy sharpness of the pain in my back was such, that for a few days I went commando to the office as wearing my underwear, was way, way, way too hard, difficult and mindnumbingly painful.

It reached the stage where I needed a steroidal jab directly into the back muscle for me to be able to walk around, drive, go to the loo, climb staircases, feed the pet kittycats, basically to function like a normal human being. It didn't help that elder family members like to employ the 'tough love technique' and told me 'to suck the pain in and sort myself out'. They told me not to be a baby and that I was a hypochondriac and 'exaggerating the problem'. This, of course, alternated with, clucking affectionately over me and driving me to the ER a few times for the aforementioned emergency jabs when the pain got too bad. My dearest family also took me for an MRI and nothing was wrong apparently with my bones or verterbra (except that the doc said that I am too fat for my medium-sized skeleton) and that skeletally speaking, I was fine.

Great. Then why didn't the pain bloody well recede, then? Living on pain-killers is not what I would call fine!

I drove myself to SJMC one Saturday when it got too bad, for another MRI, and the verdict was, that I had compressed a nerve and tore a back muscle. The doc wanted me to get admitted to the hospital and wondered how I had been walking around all this while. I refused to get admitted as my mum died in SJMC. The doctor gave me a pile of medication and prescribed complete bed rest for 2 weeks and absolutely no travel and other exertions for 6 weeks.

Fast forward a week later, I was back in the grind, and was limping up the ramp of Subang Parade after buying some groceries and kitten food for my kittycats, when five noisy 20 or 30 something yuppies rushed past, and crashed into me, just as I was going up. My bags fell, some tins went rolling, and the darn yuppies just rushed off with several smirkingly smarmy backward peeps. They chose to ignore the fact that they bumped into a lady wearing a brace, and limping up a ramp. They chose to ignore the fact that they made me spill my groceries. Silly idiots. Two kind gentlemen in their late 30s came up and helped me gather my belongings. They saw what happened and were shocked at the behavior of the yuppies.

It's not easy when one is not so mobile. It was horrible being ability-challenged, even if it was for a very short while. I appreciate now, a little bit of the challenges that our disabled friends and neighbours face everyday.

This week, I decided to take some annual leave and hang out at home with my father
As presumptously perasan as this may sound, it was his birthday last Sunday and I wanted to give him a gift he could appreciate, the gift of me, hanging out with him 24/7. I thought we could go and have coffee and people watch, browse for books at kinokuniya, go for the booksales at paylessbooks and watch some movies together. In the end, I ended up sleeping most of the days, as the back pain was just a bit too much to handle.

We ended up going out only today(I'm not going to mention the horror of 31/5/06 as we were at LHDN almost the entire day, as it was 'tax-filing deadline day'), for lunch at Manhattan Fish Market in Parade, and then a spot of shopping for some household items and toys for my best friend's kid who's turning 1 on the 18th. We had fun. It was nice. But shortlived, as it's back to work on Monday.

And...here's the thing, my back is still not healed.
It hurts. And I am becoming a painkiller junkie.

Yesterday, I popped
6 panadol actifast x 500mg
3 arcoxia x 120mg

Today, I popped
4 panadol actifast x 500mg
2 arcoxia x 120mg
1 ponstan x 500mg

I just cannot perform the daily, mundane tasks that are supposed to be painfree(brushing teeth, sleeping, wearing clothes, washing dishes, driving...), without the above annoying medication. The doctor has banned alternative methods like chiropractic massage, and acupressure. I will have no choice but to go to the doc for another jab tomorrow, as I have dad's birthday party to sort out in the evening, and work! on Monday! Am not looking forward to putting my best face forward at work, while my insides are roiling, rolling and rollicking with pain.

They weren't kidding when they said after turning thirty, it all gets shot to hell.
In my twenties I used to kickbox regularly and never had any problems.

I wonder what they'll say at work, if I turn up hobbling with my orang asli walking stick to aid me.

Just call me Grandma Moses.


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PS. Grandma has a coffee date with one of the kind gentlemen who picked up my groceries for me. He was friendly, funny and a kindred spirit. Just the kind of new friend to make when one is trying to make sweet lemonade out of sour lemons. I am seriously anti-social at this point in time, and it wouldn't do anyone any good to go out with me. Back pain does not a sociable person make. Now how do I get out of that and not scare away new friends and kindred spirits-to-be?