So, Mr/Ms Crash-Into-My-Rear-Bumper in the basement carpark of Carrefour Subang Jaya and then Drive-Off-Like-A-LoserCoward,
I hope you're proud of yourself. Firstly, you crashed into my rear bumper. My beautiful limited edition gold kia spectra is now horribly scratched. And you bloody well dented my reverse sensor. And broke my number plate. And left a little dark scratch on my heart. The repairs are gonna cost me. It's not like I'm rolling in cash, you arse.
I would like a ten-page essay from you on why you are vehicularly defective and mentally challenged. Some points for you to answer in your essay:
1. Don't you know how to freakin' drive? Don't you know how to freakin' reverse?
2. Did you pay for your driving licence? Did you drive at all during the 2 year 'P' licence period? Stupid arse.
3. Does my car look invisible to to you, freakazoid?
4. WTF are your rear view mirrors? WTF are your darn eyeballs?
5. Are you sight-challenged? Brain-challenged maybe? If so, don't drive lar!
6. Don't you have the decency to leave a note, apologising at least for your stupidity, let's not talk about leaving contact details. I *know* that's too much to ask!
If I don't get this essay by noon tomorrow, here are the consequences:-
1. Your hair will fall out.
2. Your private bits will shrivel and fall out.
3. Your car engine will fall out.
4. If you are male, your male friends will find out that you CANNOT drive to save your bits from shrivelling, and that girl you're trying to impress? Don't bother, she saw you dig for golden boogers at the traffic lights in front of KLCC. That's why she's avoiding your phone calls. Or...she musta sat in your car and experienced your freakazoidal driving.
5. If you are female,you will wake up stupid and ugly tomorrow. Only, you will not realise this, people everywhere will run screaming when they see you coming.
6. You will have permanent body odour for life, and no deodorant, perfume, fragrance or anti-perspirant will keep the smell away.
This is what will befall you tomorrow, if you do not give me the Essay.
This is what you get for having no honour, no integrity, and no frigging honesty.
I hope you learn your lesson soon.
Or maybe the gene pool will be cleansed soon by your untimely demise. I don't really wish you dead, but really, seriously, I mean, if you can cause an accident in a *carpark*, what happens, ohmigosh, when you're let loose on the public roads and highways? You know who you are. Do me a favour and stay the hell away from me when you see me driving in the lane next to you.
And on the off-chance you're reading this, get off my blog, and get off the internet. It's also a highway. You're too stupid to be on it.