Quickly, because it's 2.27PM and I have to rush to the bank before it closes for NY's Eve.
The Christmas Lizard
I have a phobic phobia of lizards. And on christmas day, a big stinkin' ugly brown lizard sat in the middle of the kitchen. On the floor. So I screamed. And I shooed the lizard. And then it ran and hid under the refrigerator. And in reaction to this, the fourth finger on my right hand broke out in hives. Because I had a christmas dinner to prepare. And there was a friggin' lizard (hereafter referred to as the f. lizard) in the bloody kitchen.
(Granted we had not invited anyone over for christmas dinner on christmas day, but I was going to make some kick-ass ginger chicken stew for the family as everyone was down with a horrendous strain of flu. )
I went into the kitchen and gingerly prepared all the fixings for the stew. My radar senses were triangulating for the horrible beastie. No sign of the f. lizard.
I started the cooking. Still no sign of the f. lizard. I was in the middle of chopping some ginger into strips for the stew. The stew was almost done when I saw a flurry of brown rush past me on the floor.
THE FUCKING LIZARD!!!!!
SOMEONE GETIT THE HELLOUTTAHERE!!!
The knife slipped. I chopped off the tip of my ring finger. And spent the rest of the evening in the A&ER.
To be continued.... have to rush off to the bank now...