Vicky Anthony

Happy Birthday mom
I love you always and forever
Words can't express how much I miss you
I hope that you are happy and enjoying yourself in Heaven

I still miss you so much I sometimes feel like clawing my eyes out
Even though it has been almost 5 years since you died
I would sell my soul if I could have you back
I would give all my limbs to have you back
I would die to bring you back

But since you're in a happier place
I'll try not to be selfish
Since you have no more pain and suffering
I'll try to live with you not with me, not beside me
Since you have moved on to a better place
I'll try to live, to survive, and to move on too

But it's just so hard
And you were so WRONG when you said I'd be over you before I knew it
That I'd be over you in two years
It's now FIVE YEARS and it still hurts like hell
And I know I promised I would live, I would try, I would be happy
But it's so hard
Just so hard

I'm sorry I have not visited your grave at the cemetery
But I just can't take it
Your body is lying in there under all the earth
And my heart cracks and breaks when I think of the wide lonely cemetery
And your body lying there under all the earth, marble and granite
I made you a beautiful headstone
It's made out of pink granite with a wonderful brown grain
And I chose the wording too, I hope you like it, it's Psalms 18:12

I used that photograph of yours that is my favourite
You know the one where I stood behind the photographer and jumped up and down
Making silly funny faces so that you'd give a cheeky spontaneous smile
When the photographer snapped your passport photograph for our trip to Hawaii
It has always been my favourite photograph, and Dad's too
So we used it for your granite headstone
And I cried so much I thought my head would burst and my heart would explode
How do you get over someone you have loved all your life
It is simply impossible, and I've given up trying, my heart's broken already anyway

Missing you always so much that my heart hurts and my brain freezes whenever I think of you
Please think of me sometimes, please look at me sometimes with that look of love that you have
I will always love you
I will always miss you
And I would Barter with Heaven if I could get you back
My soul for yours, my life for yours, my body for yours
But I know it's impossible
I pray with every fibre of everything that is good in me, that you are in eternal light
God Bless You And Keep You Safe

Missing you always
Anne Varghese 9 July 2004