Sunday, 9 November 2003

Time Does NOT heal all wounds

My grandmother asked me yesterday
why my mom has not visited her
for such a long time.
Well! How was I to respond to that?!

If only I had the luxury
of not remembering all too clearly
that my darling mother is dead.

Anyway, my aunt "rescued" me
by telling dear old granny
that my mom would visit her later at night.
If only....
Am I being morbid for even wishing that
I could have a ghostly visit or two??
I still miss her.

Her smile.
Her laugh.
Her crinkly eyes when she grins.
Her twin dimples that wink in and out
when she is being cheeky.
I hate her for dying.
I love her.
I miss her.

Am I too old to want to see my mom?
To have her around?
I am a 20-something adult woman.
But we are all children when it comes to our parents.
She was my mother, my best friend
my partner in playing hooky from college
(we studied together, she as a mature student)
my friend of all seasons, my compadre, my mentor

I wonder why people say that time heals all wounds.
That little vignette of wisdom is such a patent lie.
Especially if one is talking about wounds non-physical.
Grief. Sorrow. Loss. Longing.
God is psychotic.
To take away people who are much loved and much wanted
and then to overrun the world with the evil, the corrupt, the nasty.
Why not take away one of those to heaven?

Psychotic. Psychotic God!!!
Maybe I should change the name of this blog sounds too dire
and is feeding into my personal abyss
Damn you 6 stages of grief
You annoy me to hell and back
We'll see.

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