Who's the Psychotic?

I am just so tired
of being me.
So tired of being
angry at God.

So tired
of having
to fight
for everything.

Why can't I be
one of those people
to whom God
cuts a break now and then?

Am I going to get
an avalanche of hell-fire
and brimstone for being
so shrewish with God?

What if He decides to test me
the way He tested Job???
I don't think I have
Job's patience.

Is it possible for one
to fear God and yet
rever Him,
reject Him yet
wonder about Him?

Is it possible for one
to hate God
and yet love Him?

Pray to Him and then
get pissed off at Him?
I'm sure the word "pissed"
isn't even allowed
when talking about Him!

Is it safe to call Him
the Blessed God on one hand
and the Psychotic God
on the other hand?

Can I be blamed
when God shows himself to be
vengeful yet forgiving
punishing yet loving?

Who's the psychotic one here?
me or God?

-Neutiquam Erro 8 Feb 2001 (migrated over from previous blog)

-Anne The Obscure
Edit 2013: I no longer feel this way thank heavens. Fa la la la la.