A Hymn to Mum and Dad

Is this a journal entry?

a lament, a hymnic soliloquy?

I feel the time ticking past sneakily

My pulse beats on stubbornly 

Ba-dup-dupt beats

1 year and 21 days after my dad's stopped

22 years 9 months 8 days after mum's sonic boom soul

bellowed her up and away from our hall and grounds

I see no reason to go on

everything in me is all hollowed out

and I am ready to be done

Take me now God. End this cataclysmic storm

I am not gonna off myself -please, You know this

Call the fates to do their snippy snip pwned

Except that I have this thing I created

In dad's bro's Alisha's and my name

And now it lives on like a human being

My firm's practice my sole reason for living

Which now has pivoted 

to also bear the name 

Of my sister from another mother

If I end wherefore does this being go?

It lives if I live

For awhile there 16 months actually

I felt the clocks of my life energy Sounding down

The march of the years electric with mum and dad

I could not stand stepping into the sunlight of impending tomorrows

Without them here clocking the days with me

It took 1 year of waiting for the clock to wind down

And then I realize

My parents are winding on the clock

Time-turning me to each sunrise

From where they stand on the other side of Eternity

Happy and at bliss together and they expect me to walk this path? 

How?

Why? 

I cannot.

I just can't 

Then I see their super golden faces 

deep in my REM's inflight all lit

They want me to step into the sunlight

Keep their DNA moving with my feet be fit

With my eyes- with my tears- with my love

With our joint karma

 and our destiny unwrit

So maybe I do not end within this calendar

Of becoming me, a Party of One knocking on heaven's door

Where behind Dad and Mum 

I see our family tree the multitudes roar-

You do not yet belong here-

When do you soar? 

Maybe the clock alarm keeps calling  at 6pm 

dad's word- breluteadinnerupper- 

to insist on survival - a resolute foraging for food

and then my REM dreams klaxon out

Dad and mum sounding me onward 

where my life force needs to be

it is not yet time to think of an ending 

orchestrated inexorably by Father Time

With the finality of the Angel of Death 

I keep on not keeping on yet keeping on

Furball assassins of the long sleep- on guard 

and 2x a day demanding I be their guard too

- quis custodiet ipsos custodies- in this meowfdom

The dawn beckons and I have an A7 chord to strum

The music starts again to faintly hum 

That is what mum and dad would have wanted

With them be all the glory

Amen

-Anne V